Where is the Love? Pastor Ben's Testimony Transcipt

*This is the transcript of Pastor Ben's message from the Jesus NOW at Radiant Church on May 17th.

PART 1
Life has always been good to me. I grew up in a Christian home, my parents love me and are still together, and I went to a good church every Sunday. In fact, I was saved when I was 4 years old in the bath tub while my mom washed my hair. But, it didn’t take long for me to grow up. My mom stopped bathing me, thankfully, and I started to get a mind of mine own. Church was good, I liked church. I liked being a Christian too, Jesus was cool. If you were to ask me if I was a Christian in high school I would have definitely said yes, but please, don’t ask me what that meant. You know what never mind, I didn’t even want you ask me if I’m a Christian, because I didn’t want to talk about it. The definition of my faith in high school could be summed up in one word: complacent. I didn’t care if anyone else knew about God, I didn’t even care if anyone knew about me. I didn’t want to fit in, I wanted to blend in, like a chameleon. I wanted to be totally unnoticed, to walk on the graduation stage and have everybody say, “Who is that? I don’t remember seeing him.” I was afraid and timid, shy and quiet. I couldn’t speak up in class, let alone at lunch about my faith. They knew I went to church, they would ask if they wanted to go. I was saved by Jesus, he could do it for everybody else, but He didn’t. Jesus didn’t save any of my friends. I mean, we didn’t do anything bad, like smoking or drinking or having sex, maybe a dirty movie or two; no big deal. Yet, the less I talked about God, the less Jesus showed up in their lives. I was growing in God, all the while my peers were shrinking in their faith. But it wasn’t my problem, right? If Jesus wants them to be saved he can do it in his own time, I had enough to worry about. Like, talking with girls and not looking like an idiot, or staying out of the way of the social elite so I didn’t face endless ridicule about believing in God. You see, my high school career wasn’t going to be ruined by me telling others about what I believed, after all it’s there life they can do what they want; who am I to tell someone how to live there life? Maybe I didn’t want to speak up because I wasn’t about to have anyone get in my business. I wonder what my life would have been like, if I wouldn’t have kept my sins so hidden. My life was all about secrets, no one needed to know, no one could ever know. Why? Because I was committing the unmentionable sin, the sin you can’t say in church cause it makes everyone squirm in their seats. It became my obsession, and it began to destroy from the inside out. I graduated high school and went to college 800 miles away, only to watch my friends slip into lives far from God, then fall hopelessly in to a disgusting addiction. God, where is the love?

PART 2
The word love in my life was replaced with the word lust. Addictions don’t ever weaken, they only get stronger, and stronger it got. Women became objects, images and video to feed my selfish desires. I couldn’t act normal around girls because my addiction consumed me. I didn’t need real relationships, I had the internet, which satisfied me enough. Who knew you could be surrounded by friends but have no one to talk to. Life is depressing when you choose to keep secrets, so I was depressed, and alone, and deeply ashamed. I was always willing to head to the altar and recommit my life to God and then equally willing to go right back into my old lifestyle. Luckily I was extremely good at hiding things and looking good on the outside. But it didn’t matter, I knew what I was doing, and God knew what I was feeling. The Bible says God’s thoughts towards us out number the sands of the earth, I wonder what he was thinking about me? Was God disappointed? Angry? Indifferent? Did God even care at all about what I was going through? There was a disconnect that happened between me and God, and I had to find someway to get it back. You see, my redemption wasn’t found in the pages of my journal or at the front of an altar. I didn’t change because I heard an amazing sermon or participated in a powerful worship service. My life was revolutionized because I made a discovery that would forever change my life. Hebrews 11:6 says, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” That verse changed my life, for the first time I stopped caring about my sin and started caring about God. I desperately needed Jesus, and that was all that mattered. I stopped looking for the rewards and benefits of being a Christian and started getting on my knees and crying out to God. I let conviction and the Holy Spirit move me, break me, and build me back up. I found the freedom I had been searching for in the grace of God, but most of all in the accountability of others. I told somebody my secret sin, and it set me free. Satan was winning some battles, but the victory was mine because of Christ inside of me. I found a love greater than life itself. I didn’t have to read a self-help book to get set free from addiction and it didn’t take twelve steps to get away from the path of destruction. My love was found when I determined to see the face of Jesus Christ at all costs until it took the rest of my life, that’s what made all the difference!

PART 3
The search for God follows the road to the cross. Where is the love? The love was nailed to a tree 2000 years ago, and now he’s paved the way for you and I to come have a life worth living. A life worth sacrificing for a relationship with the creator of the universe. There is only one thing on earth that can take a timid, ashamed boy like myself and put him next to a new york gang banger, have both of them share the single greatest moment of their lives and have it be the exact same thing: Jesus. I don’t care where you fit into these two extremes of testimonies, but it doesn’t matter. Jesus saves for me, He saves for Ituha, and He saves for everyone in-between. God’s arms are not too short he can’t reach out and grab you of the hands of Satan. The love of Jesus is the only thing that can bring unity to your world. Don’t ever underestimate the power of Jesus in your school, because if your not careful your gonna discover when you get sold out for Christ that people notice. And, if you let people see how Jesus has changed you, they might get curious about how Jesus can change them. So what are you going to do when people to start ask about Jesus? When you stare your greatest challenge in the face, what is going to keep you in the fight? There is only one name in heaven and on earth that will make every knee bow and every tongue confess Him as Lord and savior, and it’s not your name and it’s not the name of the person next to you either. It’s time for us as followers of Jesus Christ to start believing that if we seek Jesus and love Jesus and desire Jesus above anything else that Jesus is actually going to do something. Jesus can change our schools, our homes, and our friends, but he is only a rewarder of the ones who seek Him before any of that. It’s time for us to stand strong and sacrifice the one thing that is most important to God in this entire world: our lives. Will we be the ones that bring revival to our schools, or are we waiting someone else? I waited for someone else, and no one else came. What if it was me that was called to change my school, and what if it is you right now that God has chosen. Let’s stand together tonight and declare forevermore that the love of Jesus has the power to change us, and it has the power to change the world!